There is a lot of expressions I’m not a big fan of. I hate when people overuse words always and never, and don’t even get me started on the good old forever. My most recent enemy in vocabulary is bad timing. Which, like any other expression I grew to resent, I tend to overuse myself.
It’s such a bad timing for this, eh?
Sure thing there are slightly better and slightly worse times for certain things. Sure it’s sometimes better to wait, to choose time and place a little bit wiser. They say relationships are all about timing and there’s some truth to that too. But seriously, sometimes you do not have the luxury of choosing. Or waiting. Cause you would end up waiting forever.
For some things there is never a good time. Simple as that.
I don’t want to get all gloomy, but we all realise that later is not a given, right? For all we know (not that I wish it on anybody), the brick can fall down on your head tomorrow or you can die in a tragic car crash. Those things happen, in spite of your plans, dreams, hopes and promises. Endlessly postponing things rarely ever pays off. They say — and I totally agree — that one always regrets things not done more.
We all know how much it can take.
You’re plucking up the courage for ages, you completely overthink it, you sweat it beyond imagination, debating with yourself all night long, just to finally have that important conversation with someone. You finally manage to say it out loud, shakingly. Your heart is pounding, your hands are all wet, your ears are ringing. And they say: but this is such a bad timing.
Well, for them, maybe. For you this is the best — the only — time you could muster.
You can never plan or control those things, not really. The right moment comes always unannounced and then it’s now or never. Blaming someone for their confession, for opening up to you at the wrong time, comes across as incredibly insensitive. Brutal even. Especially when it comes from someone closest, who you hoped would always have your back. As if you they never experienced it themselves. That anxiety, that painful turmoil in their head.
Going even further, using “bad timing” as an excuse to avoid confrontation can eventually discourage your love one from sharing altogether. And we all know where it could go from there, right?
Besides, let’s face it: if it (whatever it is) makes you so uncomfortable now, it won’t get any better with time. Difficult conversations and challenging encounters will always be just that: difficult and challenging. Place, time and preparation won’t alter the underlying feelings, no matter how much you would like that to be the case. And feelings ought to be felt and expressed. Like Freud once pointed “unexpressed emotions will never die, they are buried alive, and will come forth later, in uglier ways”. When there are things to be addressed and discussed, it really doesn’t do anyone any good to ‘wait it out’. Contrary to popular belief, problems that weigh on you, do not disappear or become easier to deal with, with time. It’s quite the opposite. The more you wait, the more tricky it gets.
I’m not arguing that bad timing does not exists at all, because it does. But using it as a lazy excuse to avoid what’s uncomfortable or challenging, is simply lame.
Whenever someone accuses you of choosing the wrong time to share something important to you, tell them to piss off. If they cannot handle your needs and emotions, they don’t deserve to be there, among your closest and most trusted.
You — we — could do way better than that.
